All about my experience with a Narcissist husband
What it is to deal with a Narcissist husband
What does it feel?
I do not want to write about who is a narcissist what is his behavior what characteristics do they possess I know that can be googled.
I want to write my life story
I was a pretty, charming full of life young girl in my 20’s. Wanted to study ACS — Associated Company Secretary. Conveyed my interest to study ACS to them. They discouraged saying they want to get me married off.
Got me married. I was 23.
I was an energetic girl, full of life, happy with tons of expectations of love, care, affection as this was what was missing in my life.
They were normal parents not into exhibiting any kind of love.
With lot of hopes, aspirations I entered my Married life very soon to be disappointed. . The very first day of me going to his house. Middle of the night he went absconding. I am sleeping and when suddenly I got up seeing him missing i.e. seeing no one beside me, I was shocked. That was my very first day at his small house. Then out of anxiety I called my mother in the middle of night told her he is missing.
She called him and asked him as to where he is. I do not know what he replied. Then my mother called me again and said do not worry he will come back. Did not say where he is.
From then on started, I was in for a big shock every single day. His bad remarks about everything, taunting, calling Names, calling me ugly. My mother tongue is Kannada. He used to call, abuse, shout, taunt, call bad names, criticize, shout for no reason all in Kannada.
As the days went by my life was becoming hell. His shouting his bad remarks were increasing day by day.
I could not understand what was happening. Why is he treating me so badly calling me names, torturing, abusing for every small thing.
Even when I was showing care, he used to say I am doing it for attention seeking.
Every single day I used to cry, when he went to office, I used to be in fear constantly, not understanding as to why he is scolding me so badly for no reason.
I didn’t even know he was abusing which was increasing day by day.
Finding it difficult to put my emotions in English. Every night he used to start some topic, make it big i.e. provoke me to an extent that I am bound to use bad words i.e. the same language.. I could not control my anger, frustration and had to talk in same language. At least give back to him.
I used to feel little satisfied after me scolding him, using the same words but he used to not keep quiet, hearing that his abuses were even more harsh and provoking.
I was crying uncontrollably, softly because if I cry loudly, he would be very happy satisfied look on his face. That he has won. I did not know at that time the term sadist, Narcissist. I used to keep thinking what have I done wrong, why is he doing this to me.
Why is he treating me so badly. What wrong have I done to him. I didn’t start any fight, I didn’t ask him money, any favor, any material things — so why is he yelling at me for no reason.
Months passed, years passed by I was going through the same torture, same treatment. crying every day and night, constantly living in fear. I used to fear his presence.
I used to always pray let him die, let him not come home. Some accident should happen to him and he dies. My constant thoughts were only this.
After he comes, I used to think some fight he will start Again the same cycle used to get repeated.
Every night I used to come and sleep in living room since he used to provoke me to get out of the house in the middle of the night.
Full of fear, mosquitoes biting me, helpless, lying there simply staring at something continuously.
I used to feel very sleepy but could not sleep due to mosquitoes, could not sleep on the sofa which was very small congested. Then after a long time, I used to go to the room and sleep, still with the same fear.
I went to Police for help. When they tried contacting him, he went absconding Nowhere to be seen. Police despite their efforts could not find him. They themselves were shocked hearing his abuses.
I am writing this article after 23 years suffering with him. Not understanding anything. Constantly living in fear. Feeling so helpless since I am not financially independent.
For a brief period, I was working, even there he used to call me several times and start threatening me on the phone. I was fearing.
Now after 23 years as I said earlier, after enduring so much, lost my initial Marriage happy days, lost my youth. Lost happiness.
I started to google, search why, then slowly I came across these words — Narcissist, Sadist. When I read all these, came to know these people exist — Got some clarity a Name to such kind of people, got to know their characteristics, why they behave the way they behave.
Narcissist make you question your sanity. You will be questioning yourself as to your mind, Are you in your senses. They snatch everything from you.
They don’t want you to have any friends — They see to it that you don’t have any friends or outside connection.
These people feed on our reactions and response. The more we respond to their drama, their words they are happy. If they don’t get that supply, they get agitated.
I was little satisfied as things were becoming clearer. Now I know all their characteristics, their behavior. I no longer care, react or respond.
Now I am more in control.
I feel happy, at peace to an extent. Seeing him totally helpless is my motto. I am in the process of breaking the cycle.
They want constant attention, want to control things. They love drama — They take a small situation — blow it up and tie everything to the target [victim] they have chosen. They chose their targets well — Those who are emotionally vulnerable. who are soft.
Knowledge is power.
I would like to conclude by saying, any woman who is suffering under a Narcissist husband — Please read, Gain knowledge. You will feel empowered. Know how to respond.
Seek help of a psychiatrist.
Do not show any emotions on face. They wait for our slightest reaction.
The only Mantra is Silence. Silence not responding or reacting makes me irritated. This would be the first step. Then slowly use other weapons to break them.
